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series

Frayda Kafka, Psychotherapist, Date Coach, and Dating Service Director
On Matchmaking for the Millennium
Current Time: Thu Jun 5 23:09:00 EDT 1997

MsgId: jcafe(1)
Date: Thu Jun 5 21:47:27 EDT 1997
From: Divorce_Central_Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

Welcome! Our show starts at 10 PM ET. Tonights guest is Frayda Kafka, Director Of Lifeworks, The Dating Service For "Thinking People." Kafka, who brings her training as a psychotherapist to this timeless career, will answer your questions as she discusses Matchmaking In The Modern Age. June 5, 10-11 PM ET
MsgId: jcafe(4)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:06:01 EDT 1997
From: Divorce_Central_Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

Hi, Frayda, are you ready to start?
MsgId: jcafe(6)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:07:20 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 152.163.195.164

Hello, everyone. Let's begin.
MsgId: jcafe(7)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:07:53 EDT 1997
From: Divorce_Central_Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

I'm wondering if you could start by describing your own background and your own service. How did you come to be a professional matchmaker? And where did the idea for thinking singles --as opposed to other types of singles-- come from?
MsgId: jcafe(8)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:11:57 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 152.163.195.164

I started LifeWorks for Thinking Singles (had another name then) 15 years ago. I started it when I was living in Woodstock. I was divorced and I had young children. I had been a psychotherapist for many years and had recently started doing hypnotherapy. The name LifeWorks started with an earlier program, a smoke cessation program. So I had a reputation for starting businesses. I mentioned to a friend of mine that I wished that there was a dating service in the Hudson Valley for people like me because I was interested in meeting someone, and he assumed, since I had been so interestesd in small businesses that I was interested in starting a dating service. He said that's a great idea, why don't you start one. And so I did. Our service is called the service for "thinking people" because someone said they had heard it was for thinking people. The people who come to our service are professionals, educated, have a social conscience, and they are interested in improving the quality of their lives.
MsgId: jcafe(9)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:12:32 EDT 1997
From: almi
At: 152.163.206.14


MsgId: jcafe(10)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:12:45 EDT 1997
From: Divorce_Central_Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

How did your psychotherapy background tie in with your desire to run a dating service?
MsgId: jcafe(13)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:19:12 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 152.163.195.164

As a psychotherapist I am very interested in helping people to improve the quality of their lives. Sometimes it's time to take an active step pursuing relationships that will be fulfilling and satisfying. That's where a dating service comes in. When people call me, they are hesistant, they're skeptical, they're lonely, they're ashamed of being lonely, they have questions, and they need reassurance. I am genuinely interested in what they have to say, and I can help them to allay their fears.
MsgId: jcafe(14)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:20:04 EDT 1997
From: LONELY MAN
At: 207.236.51.180

Do these services really work and are there usually an equal number of men and women? BTW, I am 41, fairly attractive, own my own business and spend all of my time alone.
How can I get out of this rut. Idon't know anyone and I am very shy
MsgId: jcafe(18)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:25:18 EDT 1997
From: Divorce_Central_Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

Hi, Lonely Man, we'll be answering your question momentarily.
MsgId: jcafe(19)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:26:24 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

Yes, the services do work. My service sends out a list of all the men and all the women who might be of interest --height, weight, marital status, location, occupation. With the information we give out, clients get to sit down quietly and consider who they would feel most comfortable with. This enables someone to make a choice based on values, ideas and interests. You know that the people you selected are interested in a serious relationship, otherwise they would not have joined the dating service.
MsgId: jcafe(26)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:31:49 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

To find a good dating service, there are some helpful hints. Most dating services don't stay around long enough to make it into the Yellow Pages, so you can just look in the phone book. The better ones will be there...
MsgId: jcafe(30)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:32:32 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

Call all of them and compare their literature...
MsgId: jcafe(31)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:33:09 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

Does the literature LOOK professional? Do they use nice paper?
MsgId: jcafe(32)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:34:35 EDT 1997
From:Divorce Central Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

But don't different services have different types of focus? How can you determine the spin of a given service, and learn who it caters to?
MsgId: jcafe(33)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:35:30 EDT 1997
From:
At: 168.100.204.58

You can often tell from the name. If you look at one or two, you won't understand the choices, but if you look at ten, you will...
MsgId: jcafe(34)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:36:21 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

Fifty percent of my clients have been referred by previous clients. This is a good way to choose a dating service --if you have a referral, you'll know what you're getting into. You might also find a service that caters to people by interest. For instance, services for book lovers or sports enthusiasts. There are dating services by religion, and for handicapped people.
MsgId: jcafe(37)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:40:44 EDT 1997
From: Terry
At: 152.163.195.164

Why would you recommend a dating service over personal ads in the paper?
MsgId: jcafe(38)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:41:31 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

The dating service costs more, so you're making more of an investment, and people take it more seriously because of that. You feel as if you are a member of something. The personal ads do not have a very good reputation. I've only gotten negative feedback from people who use personal ads. Many of the people who respond are not really available --they're married or living with people. Many are not stable.
MsgId: jcafe(42)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:45:05 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

These types of people are less likely to gravitate to a dating service. The kind of person who calls a dating service calls during the day or early evening. People who answer an 800 number from an ad often call in the middle of the night.
MsgId: jcafe(43)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:45:10 EDT 1997
From: Terry
At: 152.163.195.164

How can a person be sure that the date is not a kook?
MsgId: jcafe(44)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:46:36 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

I talk to people who apply over the phone, and I have not made a mistake yet. A dating service like mine can screen the callers and get a sense of whether or not they are stable. That is one of the advantages that we offer. I tell members that if anyone they go out with gives them any feeling of discomfort, I want to know about it right away. I stay on top of it.
MsgId: jcafe(46)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:49:04 EDT 1997
From: Terry
At: 152.163.195.164

I've been out of the dating scene for a long time. What's it like to go on a date nowadays?
MsgId: jcafe(47)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:49:54 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

It's exciting and scary and fun. A lot of the fun is getting ready for the date. The anticipation. Choosing your outfit.
MsgId: jcafe(48)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:51:41 EDT 1997
From: Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

Have any of your matches ended up getting married?
MsgId: jcafe(49)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:52:19 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

Quite a few..
MsgId: jcafe(50)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:53:58 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

A lawyer and an artist met through my dating service. Then they had their first baby, and sent me the birth announcement and the picture of the baby, and said, Frayda, you did it. Then they had a second baby, and hired a Nanny. And for a Christas present, they gave her membership in the service, and she married the first person we introduced her to.
MsgId: jcafe(51)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:56:01 EDT 1997
From: Divorce_Central_Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

How can people join your service or contact you for further information?
MsgId: jcafe(53)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:58:40 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

My phone # is 914-336-4646. My address is 218 Sawmill Road, Lake Katrine, NY 12449. Not only do I run the dating service, I also do courtship coaching.
MsgId: jcafe(55)
Date: Thu Jun 5 22:59:38 EDT 1997
From: Moderator
At: 168.100.204.58

Thank you, Frayda. Courtship counseling can be the topic of another interview, up the road. Good night!
MsgId: jcafe(56)
Date: Thu Jun 5 23:00:16 EDT 1997
From: Frayda_Kafka
At: 168.100.204.58

Thanks for having me. Good night.