Posted by Jake on April 22, 1999 at 17:07:36:
Well, my ex-to-be called this AM to tell me she had been to the doctor, seems a chronic health problem that
had been under control for some time has cropped back up. On top of that, my daughter's asthma has been really
bad lately. She was visiting with me last night, and didn't want to go home, said she didn't like it there with me
gone. I told her I would be back home in a couple of weeks, and she reminded me that when I'm back, mom will
be gone. I think she was just really tired and not feeling well. She ended up spending the night with me and
my folks and worrying that she hurt her mom's feelings by not wanting to go home.
I'm feeling really low and guilty. Taking care of my wife and kids and working has been my whole life for so long, and
work really sucks right now. I feel like I should be back home taking care of them, but I know I can't go back. I stayed
with my wife for years out of nothing more than guilt and pity for her, and not being able to stand the thought of either
not being with my daughter, or having to take her away from her mother.
I'm sure my wife's sharing the news with me about her doctor visit is at least in part to make me feel guilty, she's always
known how to do that really well, and knows it works on me.
After years of misery, the end is in sight. The legal arrangements are moving along as well as I could have hoped for, and
I should soon have the life I've dreamed of for my daughter and myself. So why do I feel like shit?