Posted by Confused Woman on April 22, 1999 at 17:43:19:
Need help: Considering dating my ex. Divorce just became final, however I have "felt" divorced for a long time since I filed a year and a half ago. Really he wasn't that bad. Everyone has their faults and I'm overly critical of stupid stuff. Plus I let my controlling mother interfere when I should have ddrawn the line. I haven't seen him for about 6 months and he asked me out. A couple of friends said to go ahead, no strings, just have fun, see what happens, don't talk about the future, just see what happens with no pressure. I'm thinking of going through with it. Problem is my controlling mother and her reaction. I am too concerned with her reaction and she is so used to controlling her childrens' lives that when we do stand up to her, she's "all or nothing" and says she won't be in our lives AT ALL if we're going to be that way. I know whether I date him or not, I need to stand up to her.
Anyway... I'm too young to be alone for the rest of my life, but my mother is so proud of me for being independent and on my own for so long, which is great but I do want more children. Child from previous marriage is very important to me, so much so that I tend to put child's happiness in front of mine. Therapist I saw during first break up (and the one I've seen lately due to child's ADD) both said best thing is for me to live in different town than mother so the apron strings will be cut. This therapist also told me I deserve happiness and child will adjust.
Sorry this is long...guess I just need to sort it out and it's easy to do as I type it.
Life is passing me by and I'm not living the life I thought I'd have. I wanted to have a spouse and two or three kids by now, be a full-time traditional mom. Hmmm.
Anyone out there have experience dating ex? We were only "really" married three months so I truly feel I didn't give it enough of a chance. I feel bad about the way I just LEFT and didn't handle it in a mature way. But he never said "Let's work it out" or "What can I do?" -- just let me go. Although now he said there have been a few times he has wished he could get in touch with me (possibly missed me?) yet never came right out and said he loved me or missed me or wished we could work it out.
I am pretty hard to live with. The whole controlling moher and her negative attitude is hard to overcome. But I don't want to be a lone for the rest of my life. I'm not saying this guy is Mr. Right. I already had Mr. Right and he cheated on me, left me when I was pregnant, and married someone else. I don't think I'll ever love like I loved him (before it all went wrong that is). But there is a friendship at the base of this relationship, and isn't that what we all end up with once the passion fades anyway???