Posted by Confused Woman on April 23, 1999 at 18:02:42:
In Reply to: Re: To confused woman... posted by Jen on April 23, 1999 at 16:26:00:
Thanks for your input! I really appreciate it. I've been on a few bulletin boards (about totally different topics) where people were hateful. So your frank comments, and making me think this through, have been very helpful.
What's sad is that I HAVE seen therapists about this mother-control thing. When I try to break free, she makes it worse on everyone else. She even went with me twice about 7 years ago. She presented a totally different story to the therapist and the therapist saw through it. Then about two years ago mom saw a therapist on her own a few times and came home preaching that we needed to treat her better, her therapist said she needs to look out for herself and stop letting her family walk all over her, we treat her badly, stuff like that. And she's always buying books with titles like "Grown Up Children Who Behave Like Children" or "Co-Dependent Parent." She refuses to see that she tries to control her family. I think part of her problem is that her dad committed suicide 31 years ago and she felt like she should have been there to stop him, so now she doesn't want to let any of us out of her sight.
When I was in high school and still sweet and innocent, she'd wait up until I got home from dates and tell me I smelled like sex. I caught her sniffing my underpants before she put them in the washer once, I guess to see if I'd been fooling around. Lately she does things like taking my child out for haircuts without asking my permission -- I was supposed to thank her I guess, but I got mad. The other day I came home from the grocery store and she had mowed my yard. Again, I was supposed to thank her and praise her but I wanted to scream, "It's my damn yard! I'll cut the grass myself!" She wants a key to my house. I sidestepped the subject. My dad has a key for emergencies, but he doesn't snoop like she does. They bought the house for me and helped with downpayment since I'm in no shape to qualify for a mortgage, so officially it's "their" house. She was in my house a few weeks ago without my knowledge and she was cleaning -- I had personal papers and bills laying out and she was in there! She had gone through my trash and took out papers I had thrown away. When I confronted her, she said she thought I might need them. Now, if I had thrown them away it is obvious I didn't need them, plus why would she go through my trash other than to be nosey??? She even deprived me of giving my baby her very first bath -- after I came home from the hospital they stayed with me and I was asleep one day and woke up to the noise of her ordering my dad around and my child in the baby tub. That really hurt me.
Anyway...that's all beside the point I guess. But I feel better getting it off my chest.
Again, thanks for the info. The date is scheduled for this evening and I'm going to go ahead and go as "friends" (I've never been friends with with any of my ex's). I'll just see how it goes. Might be fun, might be a nightmare, might be nothing at all.
Ta-ta!