Before you seek a truly serious relationship, it would be best to get back in the swing through what the experts call experimental dating. The chance to relive this exciting time of life, for many relegated to the teens and twenties, should not be missed.

Toward this end, go out with friends, take courses in subjects that interest you, and join support groups. You will, in the course of this socialization process, meet others with similar interests. Whether these people are of the same sex or the opposite sex, take some time to get to know them. Expand your circle of friends and acquaintances, and make sure to go out in groups. As you do, casual dates with members of the opposite sex should result.

(Here's a tip--Try to see your casual dating partners for themselves, not as mirror images of your ex.)

As you begin to find and get together with partners for casual dates, your primary goal should be reevaluating your identity, your dreams, and your goals. Has your life been too materialistic in the past? If so, now is the time to get to know people without overwhelming monetary or acquisitive goals. Have you gravitated in the past to cold or insensitive individuals? Now is the time to surround yourself with people who are compassionate and warm.

Consciously and explicitly decide upon the new course your life must take. If your spouse has been abusive, vow to yourself that any form of abuse will now be unacceptable; if you divorced because your spouse's refusal to work has placed you under too much financial stress, vow now to accept another partner only if he or she works to earn a living for themselves.

Just because you are ready to go out for dinner and a movie doesn't mean you should now find a new life partner and tie the knot. Make sure to approach these dates with a light touch. This is neither the time nor place to detail the tragic failure of your marriage--or to dwell on your troubled childhood, your neurotic hang-ups, or your financial woes. If you have seen a movie, talk about the film. Talk about life on the job, your travel plans, the books you enjoy, your philosophy of life, your kids.

At dinner, take the time to listen. What does your date value in life? What are his or her goals and desires? This is the time to imagine what life might be like with these new acquaintances, were you to enter a more serious relationship. The point, at this juncture, is to envision the possible futures now open before you.

You are, after all, at a crossroads. Sure, responsibilities from child support to pressure on the job (not to mention the general need to stand up and be counted in the adult world and pay the bills) may have narrowed your options a bit. Still, the choices you make now could mean the difference between years of fulfillment or another round of marital discord and divorce. Your period of experimental dating does not need to last that long. After all, you are no longer a teenager; time might not stretch endlessly, lazily, as it did when you were 17 or 21. Still, in a certain sense, you have been given another chance to live through those young adult years, at least in spirit, and make better choices than you did before. Don't blow the opportunity to do a better job the next time around.

(Here's another tip--Beware that first kiss after divorce! If you're intimate too soon, you might be swept away and stumble down the wrong path, especially if you're rebounding from a failed marriage. Restrain yourself. It will be worth your while in the long run.)