It might seem obvious, but if you want to find your soul mate, go to places where you'll meet the kind of people you want to know.

Religious organizations often help singles by offering special activities in a safe environment. Single parents groups in your community are a good way to network and meet others dealing with the same issues as you. Parents Without Partners is the most well-known group, but local organizations have sprung up everywhere.

Taking adult education classes is a great way to meet people. Many adult learning centers confirm that students attend their classes to enhance their social life. Even if you don't find your future spouse, you'll meet new friends while learning a new skill or hobby, or even finishing a degree.

Traveling with a group or to a destination catering to singles can lead to unexpected encounters in romantic, exotic locales. When traveling, it's easier to let go of the limiting thoughts you tend to carry with you in your work-a-day life. By transporting yourself to a new physical and mental realm, you can free yourself to possibilities you would not otherwise have considered and thus, unleashed, you might appear especially exciting and attractive to those meeting you for the first time.

The best way to meet a future spouse is often through introduction by family and friends. You might be most comfortable dating someone who has been recommended by your cousin; at least he or she won't be a serial criminal or marginally insane. Ask your friends to recommend anyone who's available and appropriate. Although they're aware that you're single, your friends might not be thinking along these lines unless you ask the question directly. Or they might not know that you're ready to get back into action.

(Here's another tip: Sometimes even the most well intentioned friends can send you on disastrous blind dates. Perhaps they have not stopped to think about whether or not the match would even work. Let your friends off the hook in this case; they tried!)

In case you need more ideas for meeting a future love interest, consider these:

• Volunteer work
• A church or temple
• A museum or art gallery.
• A concert
• A retail establishment: bookstores, coffee shops, and even the mall
• The office
• A community theater group
• Your children's activities --ou're not the only single parent, right?
• Bars (If you meet someone at a bar, apply the same standards of caution you would apply to meeting in cyberspace.)

A Word About Dating Services

Many new singles wonder whether using a dating service is worthwhile. Psychotherapist Frayda Kafka, a dating coach in the business for 17 years, answers this question with a resounding "Yes!" You can be assured that members of a dating service are interested in a serious relationship, she notes, because buying a membership to a service is a fairly serious commitment.

There are all kinds of dating services, many of them organized by interest--book lovers, classical music aficionados, sports enthusiasts, and so on. Dating services can also be organized by religion, age, or any other category. There are telephone services, letter-writing services, video services, and personal matchmaking services. Some or all may be right for you.

Frayda Kafka takes a hands-on approach to her dating service, "Lifeworks for Thinking Singles." She gives personal attention to each of her members and does her best to match compatible people. She urges her members to contact her with both positive and negative results.

As a first step, she sends each member a list of other members who might be good prospects, along with their stats--height, weight, marital status, location, occupation, and interests. Members can take their time considering each listing, so choices are based on what's important in choosing a potential mate, not a superficial physical attraction.

Not all dating services are this customized, and comparison shopping is a must when seeking an effective service for you. To find a good dating service, here are some helpful hints and a few questions you might want to ask:

• Is the service listed in the phone book? Sounds ridiculous, but most dating services don't stay around long enough to make it into the Yellow Pages. If you open the phone book, you will find that the better dating services are all there.
• Does the service have professional-looking brochures and applications? Call each one and compare the literature to make sure you are not getting involved with a fly-by-night operation.
• What do they offer and for how much?
• Will they be there for you should problems develop?
• Do they have suggestions about how to dress or behave on a first date?
• Will the service give you a list of happy customers as references?
• Dating services are generally safer than answering or placing ads in a newspaper. With a service, people are paying on a regular basis; that weeds out a lot of kooks and less serious people. Video services allow you to preview the person you might date, so you can decide ahead of time whether the effort makes sense. Despite the bad press dating services seem to get these days, we have several friends who met their significant others this way.

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